My recent visit to the doctor, which I had avoided for far too long, made me realize that even though I talk about self-care and honouring yourself, I also fall victim to putting myself last at times. You can't practice self-care if you aren't attending healthcare appointments and looking after your health. And you know what? As I look around at my friends and family, I see that it’s always the same pattern. We put off doing something today because we say to ourselves that we will do it tomorrow, but before you know it, tomorrow has already turned into months and then years. When does this cycle end and why do we do this to ourselves?
There is no doubt that women tend to wear many hats throughout their lives. We wear the hat of a wife, mother, daughter, a partner, sister, friend etc. While playing an important role in the lives of those we love can be immensely satisfying, there is an unspoken tendency for women to be influenced by external influences regarding the ways in which they should be a good mother, partner, friend, sister. And if its not about the roles she plays in the lives of other people, it’s about the way she chooses to live her life.
Those of you who are natural nurturers will agree that there have been times where you tend to prioritize the wellbeing of others – whether it be your children, spouses, parents, friends, pets, siblings etc. As time goes by, you tend to ignore your own needs and put yourself on the back burner while your body is screaming for your attention. This is usually when you are at the point of burnout. What if we could find a way to nurture ourselves first so we’re able to better nurture those around us? You know the saying “fill you own cup because you can’t fill from an empty cup.”
If you’re a mother, you’ll most likely be reading along and nodding your head. I feel like there is an unsaid guilt that comes into play when it comes to taking care of ourselves. I think that the expectations that come along with motherhood are only heightened. As a result, we give up our hobbies, cancel plans with friends because we are too tired, eat the kids’ leftovers instead of a healthy meal, take quick showers when the opportunity arises instead of a long bath just in case someone in the house needs something. Eventually, these "small" things turn into bigger things that we don't even realize we're doing. We neglect friendships, don’t make time to strengthen and nurture our relationships with others, but most importantly, ourselves.
So, you've worn the hat of the “traditional wife”, the good employee, the compassionate friend, good mother etc. Maybe you base your personality on which hat you’re wearing. Just to remind you, before you are any of these things; before you are a mother, wife, friend, spouse, or daughter; before you are anyone else, you are a woman with your own identity. In spite of all this, you are a woman who is strong and whose wants and needs matter just as much as anyone else.
You are a woman who is here to show the people around her what it means to truly love and look after yourself. Choosing to practice self-care so that you can continually come back to yourself is something which you choose to do. There is nothing wrong with you. It is likely that you have some preconceived notions about what it means to be the perfect this or the perfect that, and that can take some time to break through. Instead, start by examining who you are at the very core of your being. Let’s show our children that taking breaks to love and nurture ourselves is normal.
When was the last time you treated yourself to a nice long bath? Candles, flower petals and all. When was the last time you did something romantic for yourself? When was the last time you read a book or caught up with a friend, one on one, without any distractions? By creating small daily rituals for yourself, it offers you the time to regain your power by creating small actions from the inside out. This is the time to get to know yourself better and learn to be honourable of your own needs. Embrace your inner Lilith because we all have a little bit of Lilith in us. Embrace the parts of yourself that you are not willing to express. I believe our inner Lilith, which is the wildness that is inherent in our human spirit, still exists despite how we are accustomed to being tamed and raised.
The new you consists of self care.
Natalie - Owner of Lilith & Luna
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